Anesu Kanengoni

How to Tell Your Mother You Want to Die

You slowly rip open her heart

Cut out the mysteries her body still holds after it was done holding you buoyant in her universe

You make yourself a monster

A murderer

You steel yourself into the task at hand

You tell her, your child does not live in this vessel

You tell her he was evicted ages ago

You look at her in her eyes that threaten to unleash a tsunami

Your own eyes a deluge

You tell her it’s the kindest thing you’ve ever thought of yourself

Cut her with the scars left over from when you cut yourself

She questions herself and how she never knew

You convince her she raised an award winning liar

A master of deception

Because how could she know when all you did was duck and dive from her love heavier than the souls of the damned

She lets out a deep breath.

You’re not sure if she’s trying to push it all out of her lungs so she doesn’t have to sit there and melt with you

Or if she, like the goddess she is, is trying to breath life back into

Like how she did the first time you were a flicker of thought in the universe.

You deny her autonomy over this vessel she created

You tell her she has no right to want you to live

And then sit back as the fabric of creation unravels in front of your very eyes.

You tell your mother you want to die in the purest form

The only language she has taught you to speak with great fluency

You tell her by doing it

Then sign it in her blood that you may never forget her in that next plane

That she may know this was a sacrifice made for your peace

For your sovereignty over the geography of your own mind

That it was an exercise in reclaiming the cosmic energy that is you

Maybe then she will understand when you tell her you want to die.

 

By Anesu Kanengoni

 



 

Name:Anesu Tanatswa M. Kanengoni

Background:Zimbabwean

Location:Ukraine

Medium:Poetry

About the artist:

“Art is sanity. To put it very simply and very precisely, in my experience art is sanity. It is how I grasp to life and love and joy when there is none to be had, it is my mind staying a buzz at all hours. Art is the closest thing to God-awareness I have ever and will ever come because as an artist, I am a creator in some way, and understanding what is takes to create, puts me in tune with whatever divine cosmic energy created the universe. Art is me  sharing from my experiences and soaking myself the experiences of the people around me to create something that is, hopefully, beautiful and inspiring and healing in some way.”

Contact: nesukane@gmail.com      Twitter : @Magical_Zimbo  

Instagram : @magical_zimbo

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