Too many people nowadays look for people who’re already at certain places in their lives. She/he must have a car, a degree, a house, an outstanding reputation. She should have an hour-glass body shape. He should be able to cook. We want ‘finished products’, readily available ones at that. Often a time this leads to us giving up on people that could positively impact our lives and WE fail to fulfil our moral duty that is to show our people a walk which is for the better. Better for themselves.
A few months ago, I was in a relationship with a person who busked in the sunshine of being a minimalist. From short phone calls of questionable interest to lack of plans of future endeavours. She has the smile that can turn a caterpillar into a butterfly, a soft hypnotic voice, and she is unapologetically honesty. She’s great. But the fact that she is not in touch with ambition failed to sit well with me. While she is entitled to being the way she is, it is a rather big deal for me.
Upon reflecting on what I took away from that relationship, something I learnt about myself, I realised that I let a good thing go down the drain. I threw away a person, imperfect like all of us, who potentially could’ve been more than just my girlfriend. Instead, without any attempt to encourage her or to support her or to help her find something worth living for or to link her with people that would inspire her, I simply ended the three-month-old relationship with a half-baked “I’m not feeling your vibe anymore” excuse. I gave up too easily. A small part of me still thinks that I was selfish for thinking her personality should be tailored to fit what I want. On the other hand this change, in my opinion, was for the better. So I ended it for the fear of coming off as a control freak. A cowardly thing to do, I confess.
What I am trying to put across is that we don’t want to bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2 KJV). We would rather skip over to the next person – we would rather not actively encourage her to go to the gym, push him and see him graduate, teach her to cook, stay by his side until he affords that car, that house, help her quit that unhealthy addiction. It’s easy for us to kick people out of our lives without a putting enough effort so that tomorrow they can appreciate your strength, genuineness and support.
Yes, be weary of becoming an unfortunate victim of your good intention. Be vigilant. Know when someone has been lost or ignorant to the point that is beyond your assistance. Don’t fall into the same place you want to pull your fellow out of BUT DO try. Be reasonably persistent. Because we all need someone. Sometimes all it takes is someone pointing us in the right direction or holding our hand when no one else will.
Let us build each other. Today this is who you are. You’re the builder. The helping hand. The teacher. The friend in the dark hours of exclusion.
Name: John Cornilious
Location: Johor, Malaysia
About the Artist:
“You are who you are today because of what
you did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say yesterday. Reflection is what
is at the center of transforming my life and the pen and paper
(keyboard and screen rather) have become the tools I arm myself with
to keep record of who I want to be today, whoareu2day.wordpress.com is
the field where the seeds of becoming a better person are planted.”